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Food for the Soul - March 2000
A Desert Cure for Perfectionism
Fr. Stephen Ernst, S.T.
continued
One sets up a "false god image," which, when violated, causes the
person to beat themself or others because the false god image has not been
satisfied. Life the rich young man, God can't be God, because the false god
image, often defined as perfectionism, blocks the way! Those who suffer from
this frequently act out of anger, guilt, shame, anxiety, fear, control and
manipulation.
Many spiritual traditions have commented on this. In Christianity, the desert
fathers and mothers recognized a cure through a discipline of the mind which is
summarized in the 9 points below. A summary rarely does justice to the depth of
a spirituality. An excellent book, Listen to the Desert, by
Gregory Mayers, CSSR, Liguori/Triumph Press, might help.
The nine points are:
- Emotions are God-given gifts, never to be denied.
- When sensing a negative emotion, step back from it calmly, asking
yourself what it tells you regarding the way you think about a situation,
yourself, others of the way you act.
- Drop perfectionism, guilt from the past, anxiety about the future,
control, self judgment, labels or unrealistic, useless expectations. Drop
getting mired in the static of a feeling run amuck and calmly, attentively
understand what the emotion is telling you.
- This is not easy and there will be failures; just be calm. When this
discipline takes hold, one experiences consolation.
- Later, one experiences desolations. When, through the grace of
Christ given by the Holy Spirit, you drop the static of self-judgment, you
see with searing honesty your false god which hid you from your true
God-given self!
- One perceives pride, hate, greed, injustice and self
righteousness and feels a healthy holy contrition based on judging a
behavior, attitude or thought. This isn't self-judgment. It is like entering
one side of a dark forbidding clump of woods on a path with little light. As
you proceed, be calm, continue the discipline, walking through the
pain of honest self understanding, toppling any false god, blocking you from
your true self and God.
- You will come through the woods to the other side and exit free, happy
and authentic, the real you God meant you to be. This "walk through
the woods" is life-long.
- You may find yourself spending more time with God. You may speak honestly
with surprising spontaneity. You will look at criticism, searching for
truth, not excuses or revenge. You may flow with time in the present moment,
loving life and others. You will see others differently, because you see
yourself differently, with God eyes!
- You will be dangerous because, in your freedom, you will feel
others' suffering and perceive the lies of the false god of the culture of
death, the false god of religion without spirituality, politics without
ethics, and economics without a conscience.
You will pay a price being your true self grounded in God. This is Christ's
cross, now yours! However, knowing you are known by God, the resurrection is
perceived as an eternal mutual longing between you and the Triune God. This
eternal longing is reality, a never-ending belonging, inviting you and all
the friends of God to participate in true perfection, the community we
call the Holy Trinity.
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