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A Desert Cure
for Perfectionism This lenten reflection will address perfectionism and self-judgment. At the onset, two points must be noted. First, self-judgment is not the same as the judgment of sin, behavior or attitudes. The judgment of sin, behavior or attitudes is a human, healthy, holy and authentic expression of our graced freedom, without which we would be lost to God, others, community, our true self and eternity. Secondly, nothing in this reflection is meant to discourage one from using professional counseling. We begin with the story of the rich young man found in Matthew 19 and Mark 10. He was blessed with gifts. The term rich isn't limited to economics. He also had intelligence, looks, status, a great personality and was considered by his community to be a good, devout young man. The kind of person you would want your daughter or granddaughter to marry, a combination of: Tom Cruise, Billy Graham, Robin Williams and Bill Gates. We meet him as he waltzes into the crowd. Now recall his questions: "What good deed must I do to have eternal life?" In Mark, Jesus replies, "Why do you ask me about what is good? There is only one good. If you wish to have eternal life, keep the commandments." "Which ones?" he asks. Big mistake! He is temporizing and Jesus catches it. The questions this young, rich man asks provokes a question on our part, "Why is he doing this? What does he want to prove to himself, about himself?" In Mark 10, Jesus with compassion, senses the confusion, the nagging feeling that there must be deeper meaning to life and faith. And so, Jesus offers him deeper meaning, "If you wish to be perfect, go sell your possessions and give the money to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; then come follow me!" He couldn't do it! Why? I'd like to speak to a possible reason, he judged his inner "I", his true essential self, his meaning and value through perfectionism. Perfectionism is based on viewing life, oneself and others as centered solely on doing or avoiding behaviors, thoughts and ideas, right or wrong that would earn one approval or disapproval. In perfectionism one lives outside of one's God given essential, real self, not truly knowing oneself because meaning is based on other's judgments. Many ultimately recognize its futility, but, until then, there exists in the person a vacuum, often filled by fear, guilt, sadness, shame, anger and anxiety. this doesn't include disorders or illnesses that affect the emotions. Emotions are good. It is what one does after they are felt that moves one away from or into sin. Emotions provide a path to know God and ourselves. However, when one is mired in emotions because of self-judgment, spiritual energy given by God to understand, have insight or awareness is hijacked. Consequently, love of self, God and others is conditional. This, self judgment leads to judging others, often by inflating the ego. This is pride, the desire to be god! |